Ringlets of smoke

June 6, 2011

She said “you’ve changed, I think. maybe
you look older.
No it’s not that.
I don’t know, something.”

She was drinking wine
and i was hitting the tequila hard
trying to confuse
the voices telling me
to stop and breathe

She offered her glass
But I wanted
the anger to blend with the swill
and I lifted the bottle like
men in the movies,
even though I wasn’t one

She smoked and
ringlets of poison
waltzed towards heaven,
only to dissolve.

I drank some more.
Maybe I needed to die a little
but I didn’t think so,
I needed to come alive
a little,
to stomp on some feet or
earn morning trophies

She looked away,
finished her cigarette and got another out.
She looked over to the couple next to us,
the guy passed her a lighter.

Cars drove past. People passed on foot.
We would not part
for another hour


7 Responses to “Ringlets of smoke”

  1. claudia said

    good one anton…esp. like the..
    Maybe I needed to die a little
    but I didn’t think so…sometimes to come alive means to die first..
    it’s a cool, detached mood you paint..like someone sitting behind a glass wall and life happens elsewhere… i like it

  2. dustus said

    “trying to poison
    the voices telling me
    to stop and breathe”

    compact lines with detailed imagery and depth throughout your composition.

  3. brian said

    nice capture of the moment…to die or live…and does our machoism of drinking straight from the bottle or earning morning after patches do much but fill the void only for a bit…

  4. very vivid description of a moment, yet a moment so filled with the details you were so aware of…and how you were able to analyze yourself through watching the woman and her detachment to everything but her cigarette…

    i really like the subtleness and the lucidity entangled together, making the moment a ‘story’ within itself…

    you bring across the flavors and aromas and moods, bringing the reader right into that very moment…

    enjoyed your poem very much…


  5. Love this poem and what is captured so clearly within its’ scrope. Wonderfully written, it portrays what I have always known, that when people drink too much they get stupid!

  6. Pat Hatt said

    You captured the moment in freeze frame
    As a drunk might want to mame
    Maybe just words and such
    Or do a bit to much
    But you make it clear
    With a cheer and little fear

  7. forpuck said

    Thanks for the comments everyone.

    @elizabeth – some times you want to get stupid, or get TO stupid, which is a place rather than a state…

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