Where were you?

November 30, 2010

Open the paper and here’s your news –
a woman writing to tell the town:
“man stole my car when I was going to father’s deathbed” and
personal tragedy is made public;
Human interest sparks,
audiences filled with soul mush
stop hating the christmas ads for a minute

Turn the page, open me from the inside
And staple me to the first wall you see, woman.
I feel for you,
but where were you
when the oncology nurse
looked me straight in the eye and told me
to Back Off and stop asking for information?

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11 Responses to “Where were you?”

  1. wkkortas said

    Interesting indirect references to the media–“open me from the inside”, “staple” as the pages of a magazine. There are headlines, and there are lives. Tightly drawn and elegant work.

  2. moondustwriter said

    I like the way you make this an intense poem with a statement but it’snot a rant

    well done for One shot

  3. This is a very interesting write. Nice one shot. Love and Light, Sender

  4. Claudia said

    touch-down – wow – tight write anton
    i liked staple me to the wall and how you set this into relation

  5. First stanza’s stronger. However, I think the partial punctuation doesn’t work; blurs some concepts together.

    Structure’s good, but I think you need more connective tissue between the 1st & 2nd stanza. Not legato exactly, but like an encryption key.

    I accept that the 2nd person in this poem is directed at the magazine et al, but you should sharpen this idea with a clue. Nothing major, just a little twist & weave.

    That said, I liked this one. Good job.

  6. forpuck said

    Thanks everyone.

    @KW thanks as usual. Good points and I shall do some work on it.

  7. dustus said

    AG, that is a fantastic transition from 1st stanza to second—from hate to openness in a way that makes me want to hate the openness. Considering KW’s crit. I think the first line might be the key, as is = on point, though kind of bland. A knock-out opening line would alter the entire complexion of the poem. Aside from that, excellent work.

  8. i liked the starkness of reality here…the message…great poem…enjoyed it alot..cheers pete

  9. Shashi said

    Stark and naked truths… I liked the rawness of it all..

    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya
    Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
    Blog: http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com

  10. Clever, assured, distinctive in its striking tone.

  11. forpuck said

    Thanks again for your kind words everyone, it’s highly appreciated, especially in days like these where I find it hard to find the time and inspiration to produce anything.

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