Where were you?

November 30, 2010

Open the paper and here’s your news –
a woman writing to tell the town:
“man stole my car when I was going to father’s deathbed” and
personal tragedy is made public;
Human interest sparks,
audiences filled with soul mush
stop hating the christmas ads for a minute

Turn the page, open me from the inside
And staple me to the first wall you see, woman.
I feel for you,
but where were you
when the oncology nurse
looked me straight in the eye and told me
to Back Off and stop asking for information?


11 Responses to “Where were you?”

  1. wkkortas said

    Interesting indirect references to the media–“open me from the inside”, “staple” as the pages of a magazine. There are headlines, and there are lives. Tightly drawn and elegant work.

  2. moondustwriter said

    I like the way you make this an intense poem with a statement but it’snot a rant

    well done for One shot

  3. This is a very interesting write. Nice one shot. Love and Light, Sender

  4. Claudia said

    touch-down – wow – tight write anton
    i liked staple me to the wall and how you set this into relation

  5. First stanza’s stronger. However, I think the partial punctuation doesn’t work; blurs some concepts together.

    Structure’s good, but I think you need more connective tissue between the 1st & 2nd stanza. Not legato exactly, but like an encryption key.

    I accept that the 2nd person in this poem is directed at the magazine et al, but you should sharpen this idea with a clue. Nothing major, just a little twist & weave.

    That said, I liked this one. Good job.

  6. forpuck said

    Thanks everyone.

    @KW thanks as usual. Good points and I shall do some work on it.

  7. dustus said

    AG, that is a fantastic transition from 1st stanza to second—from hate to openness in a way that makes me want to hate the openness. Considering KW’s crit. I think the first line might be the key, as is = on point, though kind of bland. A knock-out opening line would alter the entire complexion of the poem. Aside from that, excellent work.

  8. i liked the starkness of reality here…the message…great poem…enjoyed it alot..cheers pete

  9. Shashi said

    Stark and naked truths… I liked the rawness of it all..

    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya
    Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
    Blog: http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com

  10. Clever, assured, distinctive in its striking tone.

  11. forpuck said

    Thanks again for your kind words everyone, it’s highly appreciated, especially in days like these where I find it hard to find the time and inspiration to produce anything.

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