Love is always a palimpsest

November 23, 2010

Love is always a palimpsest
and Joanna erases and writes,
erases and writes

Long ago Daddy
secretly told her,
that the solution was simple and cruel
Like a dress of nettles

She gave me her body
like a lottery ticket saying
‘Win truth!’.
while her youth called to me
in a siren’s voice of false memories,
but I saw her turning the page
as I started scratching

Fold another airplane Joanna
You have forgotten your father’s words.
I have no sympathy for your troubles
I will follow your lead
and eras

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13 Responses to “Love is always a palimpsest”

  1. Nighthawk said

    Started off like a poem; ended like prose. Needs salt.

  2. this was a great verse….

    She gave me her body
    like a lottery ticket saying
    ‘Win truth!’,
    but I saw her turning the page
    as I started scratching

    thanks for sharing with OSW

    pete

  3. forpuck said

    Thanks nighthawk and pete.

    @nighthawk – the ending has been difficult with this one, and I kind of agree. It’s the third iteration of it and whilst it doesn’t feel dead to me, it doesn’t feel 100% either…

  4. Dick said

    For me the first three stanzas work to excellent effect, sustaining as they do the striking and intriguing notion of love as palimpsest, written and then erased. But the last two stanzas don’t carry the image any further, which is a shame because, with the wit and dexterity of those first three, there’s a killer ending implied.

    This is not a workshop site so I hope you don ‘t mind my venturing a reservation, even if it arises from an admiration for the greater part of the poem.

  5. wkkortas said

    While I would, by and large, agree with the reviewers who have said that the final two stanzas do not carry on the notion of love=palimpsest (which, in and of itself, is an exceptionally inventive notion), I didn’t see this as being problematic in and of itself; while the final two stanzas are a bit of an abrupt turnaround, there is a thread between the first three and the latter two stanzas. Is there room for more development here? If the author so chooses, I’d say yes. Does the piece require any apologies as it stands? Hell, no.

  6. forpuck said

    I really don’t mind the critique, and especially when half of the piece isn’t working, it’s worth knowing. It will have to stew a while I think. In my brain, the last two stanzas wanted to be a turn from the description of the condition to the narrator’s response, but obviously it’s not working.

    Also, for honesty’s sake, the first line was given/lent/mentioned to me and I vibed off from it.

  7. I enjoyed your poem, I like the way you play with words. I also read your poem swapping the 4th and 5th stanzas around, also without the “And” in front of Joanna and the “and” in front of “we have no sympathy”. I like the way it read. But on saying that, it is your poem to write as you feel.

    Anita.

  8. dustus said

    I think an abrupt shift occurs at “Fold another airplane Joanna” It’s a great line that could have even greater impact through some earlier foreshadowing. Excellent post. Cheers

  9. Claudia said

    some great lines in there

    erases and writes
    Like a dress of nettles
    Fold another airplane Joanna

    and this stanza is very, very powerful

    She gave me her body
    like a lottery ticket saying
    ‘Win truth!’,
    but I saw her turning the page
    as I started scratching

    really like it anton and i don’t think it’s getting weak in the end

  10. It is in pain that sometimes the most nurturing love born……
    MARGOT

  11. Allyson said

    This is beautiful. I love the idea of love as a palimpsest. I feel like I should have this tattooed somewhere . . .

  12. Shashi said

    what a nice poetry….
    ‘Sh gave me here body like a lottery ticket..’ beautiful imagery.. and thoughts are so powerfully portrayed…
    Thanks for sharing..

    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya
    Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
    Blog: http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com

  13. […] Love is always a palimpsest (via Forpuck – Poems by Anton Gourman) Posted: November 28, 2010 by CrowPieD/MargoT in Uncategorized 0 Love is always a palimpsest and Joanna erases and writes, erases and writes Long ago Daddy secretly told her, that the solution was simple and cruel Like a dress of nettles She gave me her body like a lottery ticket saying 'Win truth!'. while her youth called to me in a siren's voice of false memories, but I saw her turning the page as I started scratching Fold another airplane Joanna You have forgotten your father's words. I have no sympathy for … Read More […]

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