Heathrow express

November 7, 2010

Emerging from the underground
Dirty and wormlike;
morning sun scalpels
my eyes
with tender claws as
I refuse its caresses
heading for the train

Three hours of sleep
clutch my brain with mean
dumb fingers
and I want nothing
except to travel through the sky
In a majestic tube
of beauty
and accomplishment
and my grandfather’s love
for jet engines

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20 Responses to “Heathrow express”

  1. CatGem said

    a new favourite

  2. Claudia said

    ..and my grandfathers love for jet engines..what a cool ending! love this

  3. wkkortas said

    I’m not sold on the first stanza; I think (just a guess, obviously) that you’re setting up a comparison between the workaday, run-of-the mill grind of the train (thus the use of “tube” in the second stanza?) and the exotic, somewhat fanciful,even fantastic (cf. the notion of your grandather’s love of the jet engine) notion of flight. The second stanza carries its own weight and then some–I echo the praise for the ending which has already been duly noted–but the opening stanza strikes me as incomplete and a bit too vague.

  4. forpuck said

    Thanks everyone. WK, when i reread it I feel what you are saying, will have a think about how to tighten that up. Feedback is always appreciated

  5. poemblaze said

    Great images! Enjoyed this. Thanks!

  6. Love the ending stanza… great images.

  7. moondustwriter said

    and too realistic – whenever I fly from Heathrow it’s always too early

    gotta love those jet engines!!!
    thanks for the perfect landing on One Shot

    Moon smiles

  8. marousia said

    I enjoyed the imagery of these lines “the morning sun “scalpels
    my eyes
    with tender claws as
    I say refuse its caresses
    and head for the train”

    I think we have all been there

  9. forpuck said

    Sigh. I’m too tired to proofread my own stuff. That I say line didn’t even make any sense. I’ve fixed it now.

  10. brian said

    some intense imagery scapeling the eyes…mean fingers that contrast well with the grandfathers love of jet images…

  11. myrna said

    This poem brought back memories for me. I enjoyed it very much. The imagery is great.

  12. I love the ending! Might tweek the first few lines more for cadence than content. Good either way

  13. Eric said

    Sounds like somebody’s taking a red-eye flight. (LOL!) Nice One Shot!

  14. dustus said

    The first stanza is quite strong in imagery, makes me think of the speaker’s eyes being dissected, which works well with the mention of a worm. However, couple syllables too many—might be even more effecting working in verbs with -ing suffix, though not sure. Like the repetition of “and” before the close, but makes me think it used one too many times prior.

  15. forpuck said

    @SMG and Dustus, thanks. i’ve tweaked it further. the -ing suggestion actually works very well, rounding out the sound of the beginning. Thanks again guys.

  16. Gay Cannon said

    I read it a couple of times..would like to have heard you read it..I think this might be one for the ears as well as the eyes. Liked the simile at the start. I know that feeling. Understand if you’re near the airport which is a good long way out…oh my..that you would know intimately the planes you long for while being on the trains. I’m coming to Heathrow in January and will be looking forward to the tube ride all in all. I love London so.

  17. shanellis said

    Honest and compelling, being a lover of London having worked outside the M25 North Circular, I found your trip refreshing. Love the craft of your words.

    Shan
    @Awdures

  18. forpuck said

    Thank you everyone for reading and a big thanks to those of you who made suggestions.

  19. Shashi said

    Great one shot.. I liked it…
    “Emerging from the underground
    Dirty and wormlike;
    morning sun scalpels
    my eyes”
    Beautiful imagery and interesting take on sunrise…

    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya
    Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
    Blog: http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com

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