You have one new message

October 28, 2010

I want to enter
YOU
in an Orca’s pool game of
‘smack the trainer’
while Seaworld watches

Undress in silence
daughter of songs,
Your golden years are not forgotten

Tonight

I want you
to be the one joke I remember
As I repeat you again and again
until we cannot stand

and

The sound of your name,
And the sound of my voice
sicken us both

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11 Responses to “You have one new message”

  1. Beth said

    Clever use of line breaks 😉 depth if meaning and clarity here is astounding A, great work x my muse took a hike this weekend and has yet to return.

  2. Claudia said

    love the “i want you” “i want to” in this poem..can feel the longing…can feel the passion..so hope you got what you longed for

  3. CatGem said

    cleverly done 🙂

  4. forpuck said

    thank you cat!

  5. waystationone said

    oh man…the desire and passion mixed with a bit of playfulness…this i like…great one shot…

  6. dustus said

    raw lines of both loathing and satiation. Well done

  7. Claudia said

    you know – first time when i read this, i felt only the longing and the playfulness brian mentions – this time i sense something else which makes me feel a bit uneasy – think it’s a thin line. still like the “i want” though and the rawness

  8. booguloo said

    I think I’m going to stay behind the white line..

  9. Shashi said

    Very raw… i liked the desperation and apathy in the same line…

    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya
    http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com
    Twitter @VerseEveryDay

  10. I like it – your poetic verse – gives a beauty to the word “raw”….well done…bkm

  11. Fun, offbeat, with interesting undertones.

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