September 26, 2010

Suzanne takes you down
Goddamn hard too
Launches herself –
an unfilled lover
a housewife in the making
a restless hen looking for a cock
Her shoulder hits
you straight
in the solar plexus and
you lose your air –
a choking sensation of panic

Suzanne takes you down
in a sharp application
of fifty five kilos
of love and frustration and
men are bastards and
obscenities when she fucks
As lawn receives your body
and her body
locked together and tangled up
in a different kind of intimacy

6 Responses to “Suzanne”

  1. This poem deserves a comment. The first stanza is stronger, but only somewhat. The second stanza is strong, but the finish is slightly less punchy than the other lines.

    Good one!

  2. forpuck said

    Thanks. I kind of agree, but I didn’t want to end on a high note, or on a joke either.

  3. wayfaringthoughts said

    I have no real words, I just like it. =)

  4. wkkortas said

    I think there is going to be a certain unavoidable tongue-in-cheek aspect when you riff on another work, especially one as well-known as Mr. Cohen’s and, as you’ve noted, it’s tempting (and damn difficult to avoid) ending with something of a punchline. There is a fine line to walk with a piece like this–it’s easy to wander into full-blown parody, to use the broadsword instead of the rapier as it were, and I think you’ve walked that line nicely. Certainly your Suzanne is more realistic than Mr. Cohen’s ethereal, Ophelia-esque creation.

  5. forpuck said

    I think that, and in the face of my wish to be a unique petal of individualism, I’m one of those who would not be able to mock leonard, having listened to his music for fifteen years now, knowing all the songs by heart and so on. But I kind of saw it before me. I have changed the last two lines though, which initially read:

    …and her body
    and nothing is said
    for a while

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